Waka Stadium: I'm Voting Jonathon Gunson for Mayor

As a citizen of the Auckland region, Trevor Mallard's claim that Auckland leaders lacks vision has had some substance up until this morning.

The difficulty is knowing which of the schizophrenic Aucklands he is talking about?

The small insignificant area straddling spaghetti junction that sucks the life blood out of New Zealand and calls itself Auckland City? or the wider Metropolis embracing goodness knows how many joined burroughs, towns and villages that calls itself Auckland and whose great leaders proclaim a vision of one city one day, and disclaim it the next? or the even wider precinct overseen by the Auckland Regional Council which seems to be more concerned with the management of bowel motions than actually making the Auckland region an enjoyable place to live?

On reading my free inter-national newspaper delivered to my desktop at 6.35 this fine morning, courtesy of www.stuff.co.nz, I was immediately drawn to Southland Times scientific study undertaken by Esk St barber Paul McKinlay. This study, based on evidence at least as robust as that used by the Ministry of Health to claim that drinking dioxin and injecting 4,000 healthy babies every week with the toxin MeNZB is safe, concluded that roughly two-thirds of New Zealanders were against the waterfront option.

Perhaps thinking about Al Gore's vision of the sea rising 20 feet (or was that meters?), and being a visionary wannabe, I could see the Mallard Stand of Stadium New Zealand sinking into oblivion... but I still couldn't quite understand the reasoning in the first place for wanting to plonk a large stadium between the people who frequent that small area of reclaimed sea-bed and swamp in Auckland City, and the iconic North Head and Rangitoto Island.

Then I turned the URL on my e-newspaper and my heart skipped a beat as I read the headline in Wellington's Dominion Post, "What about a waka stadium?"

Oh, no... the thought of a zillion dollar treaty settlement sprung to mind... but then I read the evidence as all good risk & policy analysts do.

Given the importance of this national decision, I respectfully suggest that visionary leaders and social scientists, such as Southland's Paul McKinlay, should visit

http://www.wakastadium.co.nz

Gunson surely is an economist with a clear understanding of the trickle down theory... He knows that if you want to feed the birds, you give the horse some more oats.

If one looks at Jonathan Gunson's design, one will note the culturally correct possibilities that exist regarding a boutique bar selling Southland icons such as Speights... imagine the employment opportunities down Southland!

One can begin to see the vision for New Zealand emerging from the mist hanging over Bureau(c)rat Towers in the CBD as the hot air from Wellington meets the rising (but still cold) waters of the Waitemata.

Gunson's great vision also solves an imminent hazard hovering under what could have become a glass mausoleum if not for his timely foresight.

The self-claimed founder of the internet, former next president of the United States of Generica, (the greatest democracy money can buy), the neo-ecologist, Al Gore has just past through our fine country.

Perhaps Al's timing was inspired from on high to in turn inspire us who lack vision. Apparently, us ordinary blokes and blokesses need to turn from our current wayward ways. We need to stop churning out a zillion tonnes of pollutants every day while sitting on constipated unfinished motorways that our visionaries of yesteryear planned, but real leaders from Wellington made sure were never built so that we Aucklanders knew where the real leaders reside.

While thinking about the looming catastrophe as one reflected on Al's prophecies, it suddenly dawned that maybe that other great neo- leader, Donald Rumsfeld was right after all. Maybe there are the known knowns, the known unknowns, the unknown knowns and the unknown unknowns... but how would a mere mortal like this unknown Westie know?

I sat their... glass filled to the brim with a big block of ice floating on the surface... suddenly it dawned... Could Al be wrong? Could there be a future for Stadium New Zealand on the water front after all?

You see, while pondering my great, great grandchildren's grandkids future, the temperature rose and the ice thawed... miraculously, the water in the glass didn't spill over? It became apparent at that point that if the Arctic circle melted then the sea wouldn't rise... and Stadium New Zealand could float afterall.

As a risk analyst, however, Jonathan Gunson's design of a Waka Stadium on the water front makes total sense. Gunson clearly understands the risk analysts nemesis... the Precautionary Principal.

Gunson has future proofed Stadium New Zealand by designing it so that not only will it rise above the effluent from melting icebergs, but he has such insight and vision that he has designed a propulsion system that is sustainable and that will work even when Auckland City's power supply doesn't, and (Such brilliance!) Gunson has provided ample scope for our civic leaders to flee imminent disasters such as bird flu (remember, it's not if, but when!... (the MOH says!)) or the baying for our leaders' blood if we lose the World Cup... .

Apart from being visionary, Gunson's vision for New Zealand has all of the qualities of establishing Waka Stadium as an international icon on a par with the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, Big Ben, or even Esk Street Hair Stylists! Forget about the dried up Southern Lakes, or the snowless Southern Alps; tourists will continue to flock to New Zealand for their Waka Stadium experience; and a Speights.

Jonathon Gunson's Waka Stadium would not only showcase New Zealand to the rugby world, it would leave a legacy that in a hundred years would still be internationally famous in Auckland.

Jonathon Gunson's Waka Stadium is a no brainer... it is the only option that has been considered in the light of lifts going right to the top even though they are not yet incorporated into his design.

There is, however, one final hazard hanging over the World Cup venue that is worthy of some thought.

Has New Zealand's great new-age-kinda democratic leader consulted with the IRB over a Gin & Tonic about whether holding their Rugby World Cup final in a provincial city detached from Corporate Glassville is an option?

If not, then someone should think about the imminent economic disaster that would occur if the World Cup were to be reallocated to Japan... now that would be de ja vue all over again... but then again, a great visionary would have seen that coming, n'est pas?

Think about it, if all of our leaders agreed only one would be necessary...

Perhaps, for the sake of the nation, I beg Paul McKinlay to reanalyse his scientific data in light of Gunson's vision. If he needs assistance to get the right result then the Ministry of Health might be able to help. They have a redundant team of match fit data manipulators - they did such a great job proving that the toxic MeNZB vaccine is safe and effective so we can confidently continue to inject it into 4,000 otherwise healthy babies every week.

Meanwhile, I'm voting Jonathon Gunson for mayor!

Ron Law is a Risk & Policy Analyst

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